the perfect package (for the man who likes to show his off) the immortal words of Dave Barry, “I am not making this up.” Ladies and gentlemen, presenting Penis Pokey, now available at Wishing Fish (an extremely cool online store).

From the description on the site:

Penis Pokey is an illustrated board book with a large die-cut hole in its center. Every spread features a dazzling full-color illustration with one thing missing — a banana, perhaps, or a fire hose, or a sea serpent. Male readers can complete the illustrations using the talents God has given them.

This concept is extremely funny, and a little mystifying: Clearly the publisher, Quirk Books, believed that a market exists. (Side note: it’s worth your time to look around the Quirk Books site. These must be very fun folks to work with, producing such works as The Big Book o’ Beer; Field Guide to Meat; The Good, the Bad, and the Furry; Night of a Thousand Boyfriends; Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents; and Kung-Fu for Girls: Self Defense with Style.) But who, exactly, is this market? Who are these men who are ready and willing to insert their relevant body part through the holes to complete the illustrations—presumably for the amusement of an audience? (The other possibility, that guys are doing this for their own enjoyment while looking in a mirror, is just plain disturbing.)

Or is anyone really using the book? Maybe people buy it for guys they know will think it’s funny, and they laugh together at the concept and the pictures, but no penis actually touches the page.

Is there someone you’d buy it for? And if it was purchased for you, would you, um, try it on? Inquiring minds (mine, anyway) want to know…

One response to “the perfect package (for the man who likes to show his off)

  1. I used to work in a bookshop and one of the chores I liked least was tidying the “gift book” section. This included “novelty books” of the sort you describe, stuff such as Wit and Wisdom of Confucius and Feng Shui for Cats, and pseudo wisdom such as 100 tips for keeping your man and All I Need to Know I Learnt from My Cat. Tidying was a chore because the section became a mess again as soon as tidied. It was messed up mainly by people browsing the books. I don’t know how many were actually bought.

    I think people buy these books for one another, “for fun”. I once bought Meditations for Women Who Do Too Much for my girlfriend, as a subtle hint to pay me more attention. (It didn’t work: she dumped me soon afterwards.) I have had them bought for me. I have dutifully read them and then forgotten about them. I have never inserted any of my anatomical features into a book, except a finger, as a temporary bookmark.

    Strange things are found in books returned to libraries though I haven’t heard of parts of the human body nestling between the pages. Rashers of bacon, yes; banknotes, yes; confidential correspondence, yes; fingers, ears, tongues or penises, no. Only a matter of time, I imagine.

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