parking spotus illuminatus

Thanks to the fine folks at Mini, I’ll never again have to drive around blocks and in endless loops through parking lots, searching for a parking space. That’s because a recent issue of The New Yorker came complete with an “ancient and definitely real parking amulet”: the parking spotus illuminatus.

My mother was the first to discover this valuable tool in her issue of the magazine. She brought it along when we went to a local mall a few days before Christmas. As we approached the full-to-overflowing parking lot, I got out the illuminatus, and we all followed the instructions: We “concentrate[d] to activate the amulet’s definitely real parking powers.”

The instructions continued in a confident yet modest manner, “The Parking Sweet Spot will be revealed. Probably.” And lo and behold, it was! A car pulled out, and we parked about 15 spaces from the mall’s door.

The next day, at the grocery store, I didn’t have my mother’s illuminatus with me, but merely invoking the idea of it was sufficient to do the trick. No sooner had the word “illuminatus” split the air than a car left us a lovely spot.

Today we went to two malls for after-Christmas sales. By this time my husband had discovered our own personal illuminatus, and of course we took it along. We laid it on the dashboard in a position of prominence, and twice it rewarded us with close-in parking.

Strangely enough, my daughter chooses to be cynical, claiming that these wonders are merely “cooincidence” or “luck.” I’m hoping that her negative aura won’t affect our good fortune; after all, the documentation explains that “Cursing the amulet will only summon forth additional fire hydrants and loading zones from parking purgatory.” No, I’m going to do as instructed, “[s]tring [the] amulet with a magic conduit (shoelace or dental floss is fine),” hang it from my rear-view mirror, and keep reaping the mystical benefits of this “Mini gift to big cars.”

7 responses to “parking spotus illuminatus

  1. Tiffany,
    I love this idea. I have been using my ability to get a great parking spot to teach the power of belief for years. People think it’s funny, however I illustrate to people that how because I always expect to get a great parking spot, that 90% of the time I do! I have been doing this for years, and it very rarely fails me. Getting a prime parking spot is kind of a silly thing, however if you can manifest a parking spot, you can learn to manifest whatever it is you need at that moment! The universe works to our favor when you know how to do it. Thanks for this wonderful post. Put a smile on my face this morning.

  2. Living in London, I am only too aware of the difficulties attendant upon car usage, never mind parking the damn thing when (or if) you manage to drive it to your destination. Happily, I have found the perfect solution.

    No car.

    Apart from the cost of car ownership, these days beyond me, there is nowhere to park where Tigger and I live, in the heart of the throbbing city. Like the Jain casting off his clothes, I found casting off the car a liberating experience.

    Going from A to B we 1. walk, 2. take the bus, 3. take the train, whichever is most appropriate to the particular journey. I also take the tube but not usually with Tigger because, like many women, she doesn’t like it. (Being imprisoned “down there” with a rowdy drunk can put you off for life.)

    I know you car owners will all expostulate “That’s fine for you but I couldn’t possibly manage without a car… kids … shopping … holidays … etc.” Actually, you can: you just don’t want to. Plenty of families do so, especially in London.

    I have been surprised how much you can do by public transport and not having to take the car in for repairs and maintenance is a relief.

    Email SilverTiger

  3. Tiffany,
    My good friend had on her dashboard a picture of a Native American who always helped her find the perfect spot. Ruth truly believed he helped her, and I suppose her “faith” paid off: She always found a good parking space. This particular person guided Ruth in many other areas of her life as well.

  4. >>Actually, you can: you just don’t want to. Plenty of families do so, especially in London. >>
    You’re right, Tiger, that I don’t want to. I love my car! Actually, our family has too many cars (4), and we’re probably going to sell one soon and loan out another indefinitely. But I love being able to drive where I want, when I want, without having to rely on the whims of public transportation. A very suburban, American attitude, I know. If I lived in a city, I could undoubtedly adjust to buses and trains, but I don’t think I could ever become completely comfortable knowing that I couldn’t get in the car whenever I wanted to and drive somewhere the bus or train doesn’t go.

    As for our current situation, I’m not sure how we physically could do without a car. We’re at least 3 hilly miles from the nearest bus stop, and the bus that comes from the city 15 miles away wanders through our town only a very few times per day. Without a car it would be impossible for my husband to do his job, given the realities of our town’s lack of public transport, and we couldn’t get to and from stores, the post office, etc. Our town, like most of the U.S., is designed around the assumption that everyone has a car. Only the largest cities are laid out to accommodate those who wish to do without.

  5. I find it always helps to call ahead.
    That is what I always say when I come to park in the best spot (or I’m with someone who does). I (you) called ahead, how very wise of you!

  6. Geneva, that’s a great way to think of it: calling ahead. I haven’t tried calling ahead in downtown Louisville yet, or given the Illuminatus a shot at it; that will be the ultimate test!

  7. Hi,
    I just wonder is the parking amulet really effective?
    so what does the advert want to convey?
    could anyone help me to understand it because i am a foreigner.
    thanks so much

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