…Therefore, God exists.

https://i1.wp.com/growabrain.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/jesus_is_coming.jpgMany, many thanks to Ben in cold and snowy Chicago, who has been keeping himself warm by investigating the possibility of the divine. (As opposed to the possibility of the Divine, who died, tragically, in 1988.) This post describes a site offering Hundreds of Proofs of God’s Existence.

A few of my personal favorites for your edification:

TYLER’S ARGUMENT FROM JESSICA ALBA
(1) Jessica Alba is a friggin’ goddess!
(2) Therefore, goddesses exist.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM JOHN LENNON
(1) John Lennon once said that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus.
(2) I didn’t like that.
(3) Somebody killed him for saying that.
(4) Obviously, God didn’t like him saying that, either.
(5) Therefore, God exists.

7th ANGEL’S ARGUMENT (CONDENSED)
(1) Is are five when lemon fell purple left thinks acrophobe sticks.
(2) For sharp king jigsaw white roll quick double; quality bunny done press highly.
(3) Therefore, God exists, and it all makes sense.

ARGUMENT FROM FLUFFY CATS IN SUNLIGHT
(1) A cat basking in sunlight smells good.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM PULP FICTION
(1) God CAME down from heaven, and stopped those motha-fuckin’ bullets.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM SPOUSE
(1) If you are still on that damned computer, God help you!
(2) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM AMERICA, a.k.a. GEORGE W. BUSH’S ARGUMENT
(1) God bless America.
(2) You’re either with us or against us, remember.
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM FORCE
(1) [argument from Atheist]
(2) [Theist shoots Atheist.]
(3) Therefore, God exists.

ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS
(1) Fuck you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.

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7 responses to “…Therefore, God exists.

  1. That is absolutely hilarious! I like the John Lennon one.

  2. Holy CRAP, I am in the library right now making a giant scene. I think I peed a little. I reeeallly need to read the whole list. Yours are so much better than mine.

  3. Very nice. The sad part (for Christians) is that those arguments are about as good as they get!

  4. Yeah… sad indeed. 🙂

  5. Ben, I hope you cleaned up after yourself in the library. 😀 I didn’t set out to read the whole list, but I started from the end and worked backward, and I couldn’t stop. It’s really worth taking time to read them all. I particularly like it that they skip at the end and make the last one #666.

    tvwt and tga, thanks for stopping by! I have some other religion- and atheism-related posts you might want to check out. And tga, I agree with you that these arguments are about as strong as those that have been tried on me — and about as effective at changing my mind. 🙂

    Tim, you and I have discussed religion enough that I’m just not going to go there again today. 😀

  6. Fun Stuff!!! Thanks for sharing!

  7. Great stuff! My mom raised me UU and when I started blogging I grappled with the “About” thing–once I got going that had to go in, too.

    God to see your UU links. Oops. I mean “good to see … ” but it’s too god a pun to fix …

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